My Mind is at War: Tornadoes, Coronavirus, and Adoption

Last week was hard.

Tuesday morning, I woke up to my husband saying, “Lauren, there was a tornado downtown last night, and your phone is blowing up. You should probably respond.” Devastation and loss too close to home.

Wednesday, an email saying that all adoption travel to Korea is suspended for now. Thanks, corona. This lengthens all adoption timeframes.

Thursday, I’m in the doctor’s office updating my physical for our home study that is expiring. As I leave the doctor’s office, the school calls. A confirmed case of coronavirus in our county. All schools closed through Monday for deep cleaning.

Thanks again, corona.

Sadness and drama surround me, and I just want it to stop.

It’s hard.

It’s unfair.

But, I have a choice.

Recently, I have been challenged to be more intentional with my choices surrounding my thought life. This long adoption wait has magnified the war raging in my mind.

I’m a processor, so my mind has really always been a battleground. I’ve allowed my thoughts to get the best of me many times, but I don't want to live that way anymore.

Here are some common thoughts that I battle.

Why did he say it THAT way? (Overanalyzing.)

We are NEVER going to finalize this adoption. Ever. (Negativity.)

We are moving and buying a house with a basement. (Fear.)

I trust no one to give me factual information about the coronavirus. (Cynical.)

Here’s the thing. I have a choice.

I can allow my thoughts to dictate my attitude and actions, or I can claim them in Jesus’ name. My ability to be obedient to God’s call on my life stems from me choosing to not give my thoughts precedence over God's truth.

I can choose to pull the covers over my head, binge Netflix, and cry. Most people would even agree that I deserve to check out for a while with everything going on in my life.

I can’t allow myself to do that. I know the hope that people desperately need right now, and I want to give it away.

“In this world you WILL have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Mourning, suffering, and panic are rampant in our world, but there is hope.

2 Corinthians 10:5 tells us that we CAN take every thought captive and make them obedient to Him.

I can mourn with those who mourn and not lose hope.

I can redo adoption paperwork multiple times with a smile on my face, and a non-cynical attitude, and not lose hope.

I can disinfect my house for the one-hundredth time this winter and not lose hope.

I can be surrounded by hard, unfair things and never lose hope.

Not because it's easy, or that I can do any of this on my own, but because God has sent me a “helper” in the Holy Spirit to help me remember His promises. (John 14:26)

I choose to believe that God is good and His promises are true.

Jesus dying on the cross won the battle for my mind. I just need to choose to accept it.

I always have a choice.

Last week ended with our community wrapping around our adoption financially, and isn't that just like God to end a hard week with beauty????